at least I have that much

For a person who professes to love music, I seem to be able to live without it for long periods of time, going for 8-10 hours at the office without listening to music. But now after this, when I get the chance to sink into music, I am thankful for it.

Was sms-ing Wahi yesterday coz even L remarked that she looked really down. I told him I saw the same thing too, but when I asked she said there wasn’t anything wrong, so he went to have a long talk with her. She sms-ed me later to tell me she wouldn’t be going in to JB, so I took the chance to ask again. She said she’d been going through some stuff recently, both personal and work, so I told her just to relak and take it easy, and to let me know if it got too much so I could take the load off.

I was on bus 99 at that time, making my way back home, listening to 伍佰 on my mp3. I thought about the pressure she was going through daily, the same as I was going through also both personal and work, and wondered about how she de-stressed on her off days. I then realised that the 30 minutes or so it took me to get to the office was a really important ritual for me, coz I would spend it not talking, but just listening to my mp3. F remarked once that I always looked so tired and anti-social in the mornings on the bus. But I wasn’t. Well, maybe sometimes I didn’t get enough sleep. But that 30 minutes every morning was what, I now realise, psyched me up to tackle whatever stress and anger was going to hit us for the rest of the day. Why would I want to spend it chattering nonsense to her, when I could be listening to whoever happened to be on my playlist for that day.

I don’t show my appreciation that much, but that’s just me. At this point of time, I am thankful for the music that I have and love, for getting me through every day, and for getting me through the last few months. At least I still have that much left.

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