111920089027695174

Finally figured it out thanks to some help from S (hey I”m really sorry if they ever discover that you told me about it). I had the suspiscion all along, so this just made it more concrete.

I never thought i’d be one of the victims of the ‘elitism’ they practice, but apparently I am now a public enemy on one hand, and a complete non-entity on the other. She’s brought ignoring people to such an artistic level, I can only hope I can achieve it soon. I can only blame myself for thinking I could have the best of both worlds, or worse, bring it back into 1 again.

Do I regret the initial decision that caused it? No. Do I regret all that happened after that? Maybe. Do I regret trying again this weekend? Actually, no. I experienced more fake politeness and friendliness in 2 days then I did from my customer over 4 years, ouch, give me a band-aid. In the first instance, it was friends, in this instance it was my dignity as well for trying too hard. That was the cost of discovering the truth. Expensive but necessary.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back to them, the ones who started it all. I have wanted to, just not now, not when they’re all so ‘IT’, but when…if, they ever went back to themselves, something that would require a catalyst, in this case, a miracle, or god forbid, a mishap. Even if this ever happens, if I ever go back, I’ll never know why I did it. Will I be doing it for ‘them‘ or for them? And in the first place, that wall would be impossible to tear down.

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