Haven’t been blogging for quite a while now, although everytime a thought runs through my mind I think about it. I’ve used lots of excuses…too tired, too much work, too many games to play, take care of my niece, watch tv, computer too lousy and slow, been overseas a lot… blah blah blah. BUT, the truth of the matter can be summarized in this lovely Singporean word: SIAN. Yes, SIAN. It belongs to no other country in this world except Singapore with our ah lians, ah bengs, fake-American-accents, fake-British-accents, wanna-be rock stars, wanna-be porn stars, wanna-be-Idols, uptight politicians, do-good-politicians, overly-spoilt-teenagers, under-paid-OLs, mamasans and their clients, and just about anybody who understands this one word of (I supposed) Hokkien. No other person in the world, i think including our lurverly neighbours up north, understand what it means. No other person, except another Singaporean of course.

I simply love this word. It captures with this 1 syllable, whole myriad of meanings, and is used to describe a person’s mood however complicated it is. Tired, bored, sad, upset, can’t be bothered, fed-up, sick, ill, no moodto do anything. So many emotions at one time, and perfet for any occasion when you can’t pick out 1 particular emotion swirling inside you.

So yes, I am SIAN of everything at this point of time. I have lost interest in most things except for veging out in front of the telly. I can’t believe it, but it’s true. All because of the thyroid

2 months or more of symptoms and I didn’t catch it. Total loss of appetite (some days I just ate 3 spoonfuls of rice), sudden loss of weight (14kg in 2 weeks, beat that), a terrible thirst every single day (which made me act like a sponge), trembling arms and legs that cause me to take bad photos and fall down steps, irritation (more than usual), loss of interest in everyday matters, loss of interest in my work, breathlessness, rapid heart-beat, sweating too much. I finally find out on 24th January 2005 that I have thyroid. Hyper-thyroid to be exact. With a thyroid level of more than 10 times what is the normal level in humans. No wonder the doctor was so fed-up with me and started me on medication that very night.

It definitely spoilt my travelling track-record. Singapore, Genting, Singapore, Taipei, Singapore, HongKong. All within a space of a month. But guess what, I was too SIAN. Especially Hong Kong. Within 6 days, I threw up twice (I never throw up unless it’s food poisoning), fell down a flight of steps once, and slept almost 18 hours one day. But that was not the worst. the worst was, I was so tired 2n1/2 hours into Beyond The Story that I sat down!!! I sat down while they sang 長空!! But I couldn’t enjoy everything while I could barely gasp air into my lungs and stop my heart from pounding out of my chest, so I chose the easy way and sat down. Until now I cannot believe I did it, at our last time, but I did. I hate myself for being SIAN!

But if I could sit down at Beyond The Story, I can definitely be too SIAN to blog. I’m even too SIAN to formulate my thoughts. You know how a thought pops into your head, and you need to concentrate to draw it out, like a spider web. Draw out the details and the levels of that thought and formulate into the conclusion that you’re striving to get to. So many thoughts, yet work and SIANness interrupts. I’ve lost much too much over the past month. That cannot do. I thought of Ka Kui just 2 days ago, on New Year’s eve. I think I should write that soon. Please, nicthegeek, don’t be too SIAN.


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